GOD: Francis, What has happened to all the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?

 I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.

The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.

I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do Suburbanites really want all that grass?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Not really, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week.

GOD: Cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: No, Lord. Most rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


  1. OMG. I am laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes. Sounds like they are talking about one of my friends. Especially when it comes to hiring someone to remove the dead leaves and then buying mulch.

    1. I am so glad you laughed..it is kind of crazy, isn't it?

  2. Wonderful post and a great conversation between God and St. Francis. P.S. We have a large yard and NO lawn, I am happy to say.

    1. good for you, Terra! and thanks so much...

    2. good for you, Terra! and thanks so much...

    3. good for you, Terra! and thanks so much...

  3. OK this was funny-came over from Denise's blog

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. Your posts are always such a blessing. Thank you for this "conversation" :)

    1. Thank you so much for that! blessings back to you!

  6. Funny as could be the way you presented this conundrum yet it is sad and true.

    1. I think this is so funny Lisa - I didn't write it but I don't know who wrote it....

  7. "They pay to throw it away " LOL .. Really great conversation of god and St. francis about lawn


Post a Comment

Hi there! I would love to hear from you....

Popular Posts of all Time

Angelface Blue and Dark Violet Angelonia - a Flower that Keeps Giving

'Purple Smoke' - The best Baptisia

Planting Design for Dry Gardens by Olivier Filippi

No-Fail Tips for Turning Hydrangeas Blue!

Repurposed and Recycled - Creative Ideas for Garden Design

The Magnificent Purslane - Edible Landscaping at its best!

My one day Class Wednesday April 16 in NY - Jan Johnsen

The Tradition of Hanami - Cherry Blossom Viewing in Japan